So, it has been a while....

and I am not back tracking to January. I have thought about blogging about once a week, but I just cannot drag myself back here. Today. I needed to. It isn't out of want, but I guess that is coming as I type.
I am very hormonal today and I don't quite know why. I suppose it has been building over the last few weeks. Alyssa got her MMR vax on March 7th and wound up reacting to it while we were away on vacation. Her skin was probably the worst it has ever been. She is such a trooper. I know it hurts when it flares up like that, but she still lets a bit of her sunshine pour when she can.
At any rate as it starts to heal it still looks like not so much fun, and we are in Vegas... it is hot. So, I have had her in cute tops and shorts, because the reality is I don't see her skin unless I am looking at it to analyze it for the day. It is about a 1 minute ritual I do in the morning to make sure that she is lathered up and good to go for the day. At any rate, strangers have been... off color? In recent days. You know the lady in the line at the grocery store 'What is wrong with her skin?' I actually had a fabulous talk with the nurse at her opthamologist's office yesterday about tone playing a major influence. I don't mind talking about my baby. If anything I love it. She is the light of our lives. I do mind the grimacing, the nose turned, the auto-pity that is released. I have responses now. After nearly 14 months of her life, I now have automated responses for snarky people I meet on the street. "What's wrong with her skin?" "not to be rude, but it is not your business"
Now, don't think I shoot everyone down. I don't! I really do not mind informing people. I know that it is not a common thing, it is not something that people see every day, and it is something people are going to ask about. I am totally OK with that. The rare jem at a store who comes up and is sweet as can be and then throws in a "oh honey, do you have a boo boo?" I can handle, and I can handle well!
What I can't take is the pity. The 'oh that poor thing' or 'oh she goes through so much' OF COURSE SHE DOES! It is who she is. She was born for it! She does it without knowing any different. She does it with such poise, such determination, and such grace. She is amazing.
It is a weird situation for me I suppose. It is just our life. I said something to Neil today about someone being sad about the way her abdomen appeared. He said "Why because she is thin?" ... did I mention I love him. A LOT. It just showed me that he doesn't see it either. We were both rejoicing this afternoon about how fabulous her skin looked compared to two weeks ago. She is in no pain, back to loving life, and just being a bucket of smiles.
What worries me is not her. It is the world around her. It is the fact that we, as human beings, feel the need to scrutinize and judge everyone we meet. If she didn't have bad skin, people would find something. For me in school...it was my weight and my glasses. My mom used to say, if you were skinny as a rail with perfect sight...the kids would search for something. It is true.
I don't know what I am getting at really. I am just having a rough day. It is hard when you see someone as so perfect, so genuine, so wonderful, and then someone else looks at her and feels sad. I try not to take things personal. I know they aren't. However, sometimes it is a challenge. Sometimes I wish Alyssa could be *typical* and slip under the radar, but you know what...that is NEVER going to happen... she is way to amazing to slip under the radar. So, I will grow each day with her, I will grow a thicker skin, and in the end we will both be stronger for knowing each other and we will both love each other for exactly who we are ... I hope :)