What's the deal?

Alright. I need help. Or something? Ugh I don't know. So yesterday started out WONDERFULLY. I mean really. Alyssa slept from decent, we got up, got her dressed, fed her, played on the ground. We worked really hard on the ground. It always amazes me when I stop and think of all the things that if Alyssa wasn't Alyssa I would take so many things for granted. Really. As I lay on the ground coercing her into alternating hands, trying to get her to roll towards me, rejoicing when she sat unassisted for a bit it sorta hit me. Not everyone has to do this. Not everyone looks at their child with a thought of 'oh gosh if she could just...' I mean really. There are moms who are completely clueless of milestones. I wonder what that is like. I wonder what it is like to not see a doctor but once a year... and only see one doctor. I wonder what it is like to not have to pay attention to what you child is doing with their coordination. I wonder what it is like to not think for one minute that your baby may be doing something the 'wrong' way. However, I know that we are in this for a reason. I know that. I truly can't imagine it being another way. I mean I guess if I try really hard, but I can't imagine Alyssa being someone elses baby.
The beauty of all the wondering... it causes rejoice at things that people with 'typical' children tend to take for granted. Yesterday I handed Alyssa a block and she reached up with her other hand and brought it to her mouth. A HUGE accomplishment. I rejoiced in YAY and got teary...causing her to drop it and replace it with a huge grin. Oh that grin... it really is the most beautiful smile on the planet. When Alyssa smiles she doesn't just smile with her mouth. It is a full body emotion. Her eyes squint, her head tilts a little, her arms relax, and usually her legs jog a bit. She smiles with her whole body and soul.
Ok so the day progressed well, even including a wonderful dinner with the in-laws. Then, we came home with the dogs in tow. They have been with the in-laws since new year's day. I got home and I was stressed. Why? They weren't doing anything. It is just a natural... what are they doing? Then they bark...oh the barking makes me want to climb the walls. But why?! They did not bug me before I had a baby.
Today we made the drive to my mom's and went to church. Church was...well amazing. I cried. A LOT. I cried like no one was watching, and who knows maybe no one was. It was a matter of a vision that one lady had to write all of our problems on a scroll and send them away. To give them to the Lord and let him have them. I prayed for so many things that have been weighing on my mind, and I cried. I just prayed for strength and security. Spiritual, Physical, and Financial strength and security. I gave him the worry of Alyssa. I gave it to him. I am done...not that I ever really started. No, that's a lie. I started last night. See the neuro had mentioned a bit about CP which got me reading. DUMB! I do not read about things that affect Alyssa without researching the research first. Knowing what I am walking in to. I didn't do that last night. Instead I read about life expectancies of CP patients...who does that?! She will live as long as she is supposed to, and we will fight to give her the most blissful time we can. I can't do it without Him though. Really. So, I gave it to him. I want 2008 to be a better year. Years like 2007 are just ... flaming turds with silver linings remember.
I want 2008 to be a year I look back on and go, "WOW! We did it!" Wouldn't that be awesome. Either way I know we will make it. We will stick together as a family, but gosh I sure hope He took it to heart and takes what I asked him to. It would make it a lot easier to make it through. Maybe I should have asked Him to find the dogs a good home or increase my patience for them...ah well maybe next year ...